My heart is aching, the pain still very raw. Yet I cannot let these feelings fester inside any longer knowing that my words and emotions need to be released. And through this release, inspire others to feel comfort in knowing you are not alone.
While I feel deeply blessed and my heart full of gratitude for being safe from the original models showing Hurricane Dorian in the direct path of my new home in Palm Beach County, Florida…others were not so fortunate.
My heart bleeds for those impacted by Dorian’s wrath.
Looking back to this time just a week ago, my husband and I were scrambling to every market that still had water, food, hurricane supplies to prepare for the storm. A week before the storm was even supposed to come close to Florida, stores were running low on water.
All of South Florida was in a state of panic wondering if the then Category 3, almost 4 hurricane would increase in intensity. Would we be in the direct path of Doran? Which model can we trust? Do we have enough supplies? If this hits, how much supplies do we need? Is there such a thing as too prepared? How will we protect our home, that we JUST moved into just a month ago, our very first home? Forget me, how will I ensure my family is safe too? Do we have enough supplies for all of us?
All these raging thoughts running through my brain, while trying to maintain calm, grounded, and continuing to work in my business through the days leading up to the storm.
How can I inspire others when I am in a state of panic and anxiety myself? I used to feel guilt for saying NO, stepping away, asking for time to be with my family, to do what I need to do to care for myself amidst life’s changing tides, but this time I welcomed the abundance of space and energy to just be.
To allow myself to feel my feelings.
To let it all hang out.
To not feel like I have to appear put together when I was crumbling inside.
I thank my incredible clients and students who showered me with love during this time, giving me the space to breathe and BE.
For yes, the fears of what may happen are surmounting enough.
But a week ago today, we had NO idea what would happen. The vast unknown phases me not when it comes to leaping into the arms of entrepreneurial madness, but a force of Mother Nature that can be destructive enough to make everything in it’s sight appear to be the aftermath of an atomic bomb is just heartbreaking to fathom.
And I feared more for others than I did myself. My family, my friends, the place I have always called home.
I left 10 years ago on a quest to find deeper meaning within myself and my place in this Universe, never feeling like Florida was a place I belonged.
But returning back in April 2019 has brought to light so many raw emotions, memories, and divine realizations as to what that 10 years in Chicago and San Francisco meant in the grand design of my life.
Hurricanes one of them, being a child in Hurricane Andrew back in the early 90’s and Hurricane Wilma about 15 years ago, which I weathered with my dearest friend, Sharon Rose, who has left this life and passed away a few years ago.
I remember being in the bathtub hiding in our apartment for over 7 hours shaking and praying for dear life, hearing the sound of the wind howling like a freight train. Windows shaking, the Earth rumbling beneath us, and then glass shattering splitting my bedroom window across the entire wall above my bed….then, of course, inviting the storm inside our home no longer protected by outside windows.
I remember her screaming to me, “How can you be so calm, Jessica….we’re going to die, we’re going to die”….and I was already dying inside full of fear and anxiety not knowing if everything will be okay.
And what pains my heart more than anything looking back at these raw memories is that she was so worried about dying in the storm, and my dear friend Sharon died years later of another cause.
She did not survive.
But the storm did not take her.
We survived, but the memories remain, burned in my brain forever.
So while I am deeply grateful I did not have to experience anything like this again with Dorian approaching us just a week ago, it doesn’t make the pain go away.
I remained deeply devoted to faith this past week, asking clients, friends, and family to pray for us hoping with every fiber of my being to survive unscathed.
For that, I thank you all dearly.
I do believe wholeheartedly in the collective consciousness that with the positive flow of energy through prayer, lives can be spared.
Pain can be lessened.
But it’s not always the physical pain or conditions you endure that hurts, its the anxiety rising inside of you.
It’s the pain of past memories.
It’s the crazy inside your mind worrying not just about yourself, but everyone you love.
How will you protect them? How can I protect myself?
The emotional scars can burn just as deep as physical wounds.
And while many around here say, we dodged a bullet, it doesn’t make this experience any easier for me to swallow.
Watching the aftermath in the Bahamas, and now the devastation up the East Coast in the Carolinas, I am feeling their pain.
We are all connected on a conscious level.
The ripple effect of just a single thought, a single word, can change the vibrational shifts occurring in our planet, which of course affects Mother Nature’s intentions.
I often ponder what her intentions are, and why something so beautiful like a serene sunset cascading with pastel hues can come from the same creator as a Category 5 Hurricane which can cause mass devastation.
In fact, the image in this blog was taken hours after the storm’s bands left our area.
And while I don’t have those answers, I do know there is a divine reason for everything in this life.
Every thought, every word, every action, makes a shift in the collective consciousness of the world we live in.
Which is why I have made it my birthright to share my greatest passion and gift, which is expression through words.
I am a writer.
I am a speaker.
I am a teacher.
I am a mentor.
I am a guide.
I am a woman.
I am an evolutionary piece of this Universe.
I say that every challenge you undergo in this lifetime is a wake up call from Universe.
This Hurricane being my opportunity to connect back to my calling by focusing on what truly matters in my life, and the impact I want to leave as a legacy for future generations.
With 4 months left in 2019, I hear the Universe glaring in my ear to get back to writing my book.
To take my work to a higher vibration than ever experienced before.
To bring you with me, and all my clients and students that have put faith in me, and even more importantly, remain deeply devoted to themselves, their divine calling, and how collectively, as women, we can elevate the vibration of a world that is in desperate need of CHANGE.
And through this change, you give breath and life to inspire another woman to do the same.
To be a change maker NOT by focusing on what’s wrong in this world, but shining a light as to how collectively we can shift the Universal vibration to come into alignment with each of our divine missions here in our time on Earth.
The day you were born is the day the Universe decided it needed you.
I hope you know why.
I hope you find this emotional release to be cleansing for any emotional storms in your life that are rising within you.
I hope you find peace in knowing you are never alone.
Devotion and depression seem to be antithetic, but are both deeply rooted in emotional trauma.
As one of my greatest mentors Ariel told me years ago, channel your negative energy for the greater good. Find grace in your darkness, and use this challenge as a BLINDING force of light.
Praying for all affected by Hurricane Dorian, or anyone reading this who suffers from physical or emotional trauma.
I see you.
I feel you.
I hear your cries.
You are never alone.
Please reach out in whatever way speaks to your soul, as I do with my gift of prose.